Considering myself to be a pretty stable person, I find it completely out of my character to have any kind of mental break down. I would say the closest I get is a mini panic attack, which I would describe as a flood of anxiety washing over me and consuming my very soul...? I've found in these moments the largest bucket to bail out all this excess stress, is when I rely on Gods promised gift of the Comforter. After being hit by one of these floods this week , with the realization that my world I've built up for the past 18-months would undergo some serious changes in the coming days, I turned to that Gift. I feel that there is no faster way to invite the spirit into my life than to pray and receive a priesthood blessing. I am grateful that in the area I now serve, I have 2 sets of elders whose priesthood I can call upon. After receiving a blessing from my District Leader I remembered a poem that had brought me comfort once before. It was sent to me in a package from the youth in my home ward, but sadly was written by an anonymous author, entitled "the mission". It begins with a new missionary boarding a plane, after a tearful goodbye to their family and friends. Now alone with their thoughts the missionary asks a question that could be applied to anyone beginning a new adventure "Do I want the life that's up ahead? or the one I left behind?" Later we read of this same missionary, who has now come to love their time of service, once again boarding a plane. With tear filled eyes, they ask "Do I want the life that's up ahead? Or the one that's left behind?"
What a deep sense of peace filled my heart as I read and pondered this poem. I can't help but smile as I remember how anxious and inadequate I felt while beginning my first few months as a missionary. Now, all I feel is confidence and high levels of self worth as I know My Heavenly Father is pleased with the work I've done. My mission has been spent building up sandbags walls around my testimony so when Satan comes with "His mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirl wind, yea, when all his hail and mighty storm shall beat upon, me it shall have no power over me" (Helaman 5:12). I have been given all the tools and preparation for the rest of my life, I am a forever strong missionary of the California Fresno Mission and I want the life that's up ahead!
Love,
Sister Julie Anne LeStarge
